Wednesday, 6 August 2014

My Writing About the Holidays

Success Criteria

Brainstorms to identify main ideas to be used in writing.
Uses most of the main ideas in the writing.
Uses paragraphs and sequences ideas.
Attempts to end writing with a simple conclusions.
Spells most words correctly.
Uses capital letters, full stops, commas, apostrophes, question marks, exclamation marks.
Rereads writing to edit out information that does not improve the message.
Rereads writing to edit in words and phrases that improve the message.
Uses a dictionary to identify and check spelling attempts.
Checks writing for basic punctuation.

When it was the holidays I went to Rotorua with my cousins and my auntie and uncle.  

I went to Rotorua with Nat, Murry, Sophie and Tara. On Friday my family went to a place called Zorb. Zorb is a place where you can chose a track. There are two tracks. One track is where there is warm water inside and the other track is when you are strapped in the ball and you roll inside the ball.The other family did the Zorb.

On Saturday we went on the luge. The first round I went with mum. She let me control the luge cart for a while because I was learning to control the cart. The next round I went in a cart on my own. Mum followed me in a cart. When I was up to a hill and I was going too fast, I couldn't slow down so I fell to the side and had leaves all over me and had a sore on my hand. So I jumped in mums cart. I had some more rides left with mum. After I did rides with dad. It was a race against mum and Jack. After the luge we went to the jellybean shop and chose different flavours they were Bubblegum, Kiwi Fruit, Candy Floss, Tutti Frutti, Red Apple, Green Apple and Lemon Drop.

On Sunday we went to a spa. It is called Polynesian Spa. There is warm sand under  your feet. You should move otherwise you can get too hot. Sunday was our last day.


  1. I liked the way you used paragraphs I also like that you had capital letters.
    Next time you could end your writing with a simpile conclusion.
    Where did you stay?

  2. Mia
    I liked the way you used paragrphs and I also liked the way you used capital letters.
    Next time you cuold end your writing with a simple conclusion.
    Where did you stay in Rotorua? :-)